My disappointment washed me up. Totally. And I cried myself to drive back home from the office. I know. I know its coming when its handed to me. The letter. I just hope very much that I wouldn’t be as bad as I imagined. The revision salary topped up to only a 100 ringgit and it seems to me like its begging at the roadside, having to have a very rich man dropping a 50 cents into my cup beside me. I hate the sound of it and I hate how it gets to me and I’m still crying. I cry myself to sleep. I wasn’t able to eat anything. I don’t feel that I can. I am a worrier. I am worried about things that did not happen not to mention things that had happened.
How could he do that? a hundred ringgit is not an appraisal. Even I would never thought its going to be that low. That my worth are only a hundred ringgit after a whole six month. Especially this one that comes with a confirmation. What have I got myself into? Am I not good enough? Am I that bad to the extend I need to beg for appraisal? To tell the truth, I really feel beaten, and I thought I was doing quite a good job. Guess I was wrong. Big time.
Never anyone from the same department ever get the appraisal that low. And it makes me think, am I such a bloody sucker? Did I always makes mistakes? I slack? Or am always late? Why am I being punished like this? Do I deserve it or what?
At lunch time earlier, my car tyre got into a bloody hole that I couldn’t avoid in time and it got busted. And I need to get a new one to replace it and it costs me 150 ringgit. The thought of it makes me wants to vomit. The appraisal that I received is not even good enough to cover the cost of the broken tyre. What a joke. What A JOKE. What is this all about? Why am I getting into trouble and every time I did, it’s a few in a row?
I couldn’t quite figure it out. As I voice my thoughts my tears are still strolling down my cheeks. I am disappointed. Lost. And I couldn’t quite concentrate after the letter. I silently lets few drops down in the toilet and quickly wipe it off before everyone in the office knows about how vulnerable and a crybaby that I am. I didn’t even let my mom know about it. I just slip into my room when I got back, immediately pretend to sleep so I wish that I was a bad dream and I sleep through it.
I will definitely have a word with the boss, telling him that I deserve more and I’ll do just that. I cant imagined what will be the figure for the appraisal the next time if I could endure this time’s. No. I wont budge my standing point. I’ll get what I want. At least a little better than what it is now.
5 comments:
May, I really feel for you. Very sad to read this post. All the best in getting a MUCH MUCH MUCH higher income after speaking to the boss. It's practically slavery working for the kind of salary you're paid. You deserve much better. I really hope your boss will open up his/her eyes and see your talents and great potential. All the best of luck to you, girl! MAY-CHAN, FIGHT-O!
I feel sad for you too. Yeah, talk to your boss. Find out the reason and even if it wasn’t positive, dun dwell over what had already happened. The most important is you knew you had done ur best, all u can do is to do even better the next time. Strive for the best-est, and never give up.
Cheer up, darling!
Oh, I feel bad for not being there for you~ never doubt yourself and always give your best! You are a professional after all, and maybe in time, ur boss will see what you're made of!!! You GO GIRL!!! Don't give up ya!!!I'm rooting for you!!!
Got time we go out yumcha with the others and let out some steam so that you won't be so stressed~
*HUGS*
Babe,
u r definitely deserve more :)
We can see ur ability,
but so sad that im not ur boss,
Cheer up babe,
TIN YAO NGAN de :)
ah beng
thanks guys. i was just a little too emotional the other day all these blurted out. i'm okay already.
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