alone in this

My disappointment washed me up. Totally. And I cried myself to drive back home from the office. I know. I know its coming when its handed to me. The letter. I just hope very much that I wouldn’t be as bad as I imagined. The revision salary topped up to only a 100 ringgit and it seems to me like its begging at the roadside, having to have a very rich man dropping a 50 cents into my cup beside me. I hate the sound of it and I hate how it gets to me and I’m still crying. I cry myself to sleep. I wasn’t able to eat anything. I don’t feel that I can. I am a worrier. I am worried about things that did not happen not to mention things that had happened.

How could he do that? a hundred ringgit is not an appraisal. Even I would never thought its going to be that low. That my worth are only a hundred ringgit after a whole six month. Especially this one that comes with a confirmation. What have I got myself into? Am I not good enough? Am I that bad to the extend I need to beg for appraisal? To tell the truth, I really feel beaten, and I thought I was doing quite a good job. Guess I was wrong. Big time.

Never anyone from the same department ever get the appraisal that low. And it makes me think, am I such a bloody sucker? Did I always makes mistakes? I slack? Or am always late? Why am I being punished like this? Do I deserve it or what?

At lunch time earlier, my car tyre got into a bloody hole that I couldn’t avoid in time and it got busted. And I need to get a new one to replace it and it costs me 150 ringgit. The thought of it makes me wants to vomit. The appraisal that I received is not even good enough to cover the cost of the broken tyre. What a joke. What A JOKE. What is this all about? Why am I getting into trouble and every time I did, it’s a few in a row?

I couldn’t quite figure it out. As I voice my thoughts my tears are still strolling down my cheeks. I am disappointed. Lost. And I couldn’t quite concentrate after the letter. I silently lets few drops down in the toilet and quickly wipe it off before everyone in the office knows about how vulnerable and a crybaby that I am. I didn’t even let my mom know about it. I just slip into my room when I got back, immediately pretend to sleep so I wish that I was a bad dream and I sleep through it.

I will definitely have a word with the boss, telling him that I deserve more and I’ll do just that. I cant imagined what will be the figure for the appraisal the next time if I could endure this time’s. No. I wont budge my standing point. I’ll get what I want. At least a little better than what it is now.

Star clove section.

Illustrations on the news!

























Go wet yourself in my drizzling blog now!

Life is like a roller coaster

Life is like a roller coaster.
It will go too fast that sometimes, before you can register what happens, it ends.
That sometimes it scares you to wish that it ends immediately.
And looking ugly while on it. Screaming lungs out and hair all messed up.

Or maybe, some people are on it, while I am still on the line waiting for my turn to be at the top of the world. Or still deciding whether not I am going to ride it.


Like Chrystal say, everyone is going to land fame. Or at least Sam and Ah Peng is...


Sam won something at an international competition.
Ah Peng has gotten himself a chance to be a contributor and write for new tide magazine.

Oh I want to win a competition too.


So, before I lost track of my life. I should start planning for Piala Seri Endon...which is coming in a month and a half. And I need to get all those critical thinking back to me.
Conceptualizing and thinking which i ditched since i graduated. and which i shouldnt.

And a lot of polishing needs to be done.

Watch out for next post.

eclipse photoshoot for fallwinter09 behind the scene. If I can manage, I would probably even put a video up!

We are using celebrity models this time round...
They would have their own line too to go with the shoot.