I am now 21. This blog is meant to record my life from this point onwards. still thinking should it be told to friends? or should i just keep it to myself. yeah...like telling secret to the internet...
Plan. a plan. i need one. i was asked about whats my aim in my interview in lb, and i stupidly answer " i haven't give a thought about it yet". how could i tell her, i want to be a fashion consultant, designer, or even stylist? maybe i should just tell her the truth. the truth is, i feel like i wanted to be fashion stylist but never planned on how to achieve it in let say 5 years. i want a direction now. give me one.
I went for another interview and that is the biggest coincidence in my life. the interviewer aka my music teacher's husband.
Still anxiously waiting for a reply from lb.
Theres another big question mark above me right now. design base? or advertising base? or i ace in none of them? i dont do very well in those i interested in and i do okay for those i lack interest in. and i am still doing catalog right now...
work. a new chapter. i finished my previous chapter. i paused. am i afraid to flip to the new page and start to sink in the story? not sure. i have business undone in previous company. catalog. and my life plan since 10 haven't been achieved.
half a year passed...and what happen to my new year resolution? no determination.
i like both good clothes and food. couldnt find a balance.
i am so messed up right now. i need to clean up a little. perhaps i need to travel for a bit.
its so good if i can:
take a bus/train to some foreign place, meeting new people, walking aimlessly finding for restrooms, help an old people to take over her hawker stand while she needs to go to a bathroom. then she would treat me to some local delicacies only to find out that its not as nice as it looks. sleeping at the station, with a bunch of mosquitoes, not knowing the schedule for tomorrow. everyday would be full of anticipation. telling stories and listening to what can a kid tells you about his teacher in kindergarten while eating his ice cream. and once in a while, mom will phone and ask..."where are you right now? when are you coming back?" kinda thing.
and i will forever be tied down with money issues, family issues and issues of the expectation of other people on me. "oh...why did you quit?" "hey, are you earning 10 k now?" "why have you changed to such lazy person? you used to be so hardworking."
all these...why should i live upon other people's expectation? i didn't know either. i just know i hate the fact that i dissapoint others. now, i dont even have a job. i dont have a direction. not totally lost. okay..the fact that i am greedy cant be denied.
its okay. i am telling stories from my alter ego to my reality self.
i just let out a big sigh. but the burden is so heavy i almost cant breathe.
and the sigh didnt helped either.
and it has been a while since i drew.
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