家

家　is what called home. is what called a place to stay or for some not a place to live in.

A bunch of people come together with bloodties and nothing more. A place where cold sips in and occasionally some hatred. some who are worst than animals, some who couldn't keep in anger. some who are innocent, and some who has to be patient. when there are some trying to patch things up and make things work, some are trying to ruin the hardwork.

I know. I know. you must be thinking every family has hard times. yeah...i wanted to think that way too. injecting myself with hope when theres none. telling myself it will be better when it never will. secretly trying to cry off the burden when it obviously will get heavier. i have tons of self pity. i got no one to tell these to. i am afraid.

flying chairs. verbal abuse. the urge to kill in the eyes. i don't know how it happen but it happened. i was mad at everyone, including myself. for cant do anything. but to stay silent.

i want to go away. take me away. bring me to somewhere else...please, i beg someone. please....
kill me.



as i write, my cheeks are drenched in tears. i had to admit the fact that what the so call father did is gonna haunt me forever.
i want to scream and ran out of the house hopefully being hit by a car; so i could distract the attention. tears running down from my mother's cheek. as she defend her daughter afraid that the so call father might kill her. it was as if a sharp knife slicing my heart, pieces by pieces.


no one wins. everyone loses. oh...theres someone who won. the grandmother. pretentious. acting, like she always do, sitting at the side watching the drama. how exciting. how thrilling and she won the trust from her son. crushing the mother and the daughters. the father siding the "oh, look at me, i am so innocent" forgetting the rest.

i don't want or even hope that the so call father would side me. i just want to disappear. let me go. free me. i dont want a family like this. sooner or later i might as well just die here.





it hurts. it really hurts....disapointment. harsh. what would you do next time? take a knife instead of a chair?