Life is a job. a tough one.

got a job. starting in june. wish me luck. it was a tough one to decide. i need a car, badly.


its good meeting up with some old folks.














yenny, pekmun, melisa (hey, do i still need your permission?) and edmund.


watched Narnia. quote of the day from the mouse : "you guys have no imagination"

loves German black forest.


















boston grill....not really a great place to dine in. looks good taste otherwise.












Mushroom Chicken Mushroom














a picture tells a thousand expression














he has been in the same position for 20 minutes.


random. finally finished album two of my uncle/cousin catalog.



lips are cracking. ulcers are invading. and its nothing compared to recent china earthquake.
and beijing olympic is reaching. Hail Mary full of grace....

rejected an internship offered in lb.

all of a sudden missing college, friends and allowance.

need to work my ass off to finish up the catalog.
gosh. its cars....not shoes. torturing.

家

家　is what called home. is what called a place to stay or for some not a place to live in.

A bunch of people come together with bloodties and nothing more. A place where cold sips in and occasionally some hatred. some who are worst than animals, some who couldn't keep in anger. some who are innocent, and some who has to be patient. when there are some trying to patch things up and make things work, some are trying to ruin the hardwork.

I know. I know. you must be thinking every family has hard times. yeah...i wanted to think that way too. injecting myself with hope when theres none. telling myself it will be better when it never will. secretly trying to cry off the burden when it obviously will get heavier. i have tons of self pity. i got no one to tell these to. i am afraid.

flying chairs. verbal abuse. the urge to kill in the eyes. i don't know how it happen but it happened. i was mad at everyone, including myself. for cant do anything. but to stay silent.

i want to go away. take me away. bring me to somewhere else...please, i beg someone. please....
kill me.



as i write, my cheeks are drenched in tears. i had to admit the fact that what the so call father did is gonna haunt me forever.
i want to scream and ran out of the house hopefully being hit by a car; so i could distract the attention. tears running down from my mother's cheek. as she defend her daughter afraid that the so call father might kill her. it was as if a sharp knife slicing my heart, pieces by pieces.


no one wins. everyone loses. oh...theres someone who won. the grandmother. pretentious. acting, like she always do, sitting at the side watching the drama. how exciting. how thrilling and she won the trust from her son. crushing the mother and the daughters. the father siding the "oh, look at me, i am so innocent" forgetting the rest.

i don't want or even hope that the so call father would side me. i just want to disappear. let me go. free me. i dont want a family like this. sooner or later i might as well just die here.





it hurts. it really hurts....disapointment. harsh. what would you do next time? take a knife instead of a chair?

Lucky Potty

potluck. food. sandwiches. satay. pasta. sushi. cakes. birthday. bbq. fried noodles. curry chicken. mashed potatoes. alcohol. games. karaoke. swing. guitar. buddies. chairs. present. late. drive.

this post does not have any pictures to support. due to clumsiness...where camera is brought without memory card.


missing some people. revealing secrets. tired. blogging for yesterday. quite eventful these days.
going out with some people for dinner again tonight...those good old friends.


bless me so i remember to bring my camera tonight...with memory card...and battery.

Direction and Dream

The old blog died. i gave birth to a new one though. i didn't like my birthday cake. mango. present from cousin. sorry, but i dont like it. went back to college today...left my student card with juliana yesterday.

I am now 21. This blog is meant to record my life from this point onwards. still thinking should it be told to friends? or should i just keep it to myself. yeah...like telling secret to the internet...

Plan. a plan. i need one. i was asked about whats my aim in my interview in lb, and i stupidly answer " i haven't give a thought about it yet". how could i tell her, i want to be a fashion consultant, designer, or even stylist? maybe i should just tell her the truth. the truth is, i feel like i wanted to be fashion stylist but never planned on how to achieve it in let say 5 years. i want a direction now. give me one.

I went for another interview and that is the biggest coincidence in my life. the interviewer aka my music teacher's husband.

Still anxiously waiting for a reply from lb.

Theres another big question mark above me right now. design base? or advertising base? or i ace in none of them? i dont do very well in those i interested in and i do okay for those i lack interest in. and i am still doing catalog right now...

work. a new chapter. i finished my previous chapter. i paused. am i afraid to flip to the new page and start to sink in the story? not sure. i have business undone in previous company. catalog. and my life plan since 10 haven't been achieved.

half a year passed...and what happen to my new year resolution? no determination.
i like both good clothes and food. couldnt find a balance.

i am so messed up right now. i need to clean up a little. perhaps i need to travel for a bit.



its so good if i can:

take a bus/train to some foreign place, meeting new people, walking aimlessly finding for restrooms, help an old people to take over her hawker stand while she needs to go to a bathroom. then she would treat me to some local delicacies only to find out that its not as nice as it looks. sleeping at the station, with a bunch of mosquitoes, not knowing the schedule for tomorrow. everyday would be full of anticipation. telling stories and listening to what can a kid tells you about his teacher in kindergarten while eating his ice cream. and once in a while, mom will phone and ask..."where are you right now? when are you coming back?" kinda thing.

and i will forever be tied down with money issues, family issues and issues of the expectation of other people on me. "oh...why did you quit?" "hey, are you earning 10 k now?" "why have you changed to such lazy person? you used to be so hardworking."

all these...why should i live upon other people's expectation? i didn't know either. i just know i hate the fact that i dissapoint others. now, i dont even have a job. i dont have a direction. not totally lost. okay..the fact that i am greedy cant be denied.

its okay. i am telling stories from my alter ego to my reality self.

i just let out a big sigh. but the burden is so heavy i almost cant breathe.
and the sigh didnt helped either.


and it has been a while since i drew.

seven times three

bangsar. oopsie daisy. shopping. broke. chick flick. gold pumps. blister. juliana. chrystal. eve. sushi king. gossips. call. pohli. 1800. carrie chau. green tea. pictures. shu uemura. new eyebrows. fantastic lash. beard papa. sher win. home. internet. regrets. interviews. cried. intercity. slept.
























take note that chrystal's pose is always a peace sign with her pinky standing out of the place.

please, people....get your eyes out of eve's cleavage already


and finally ...thank you people for your blessed birthday wishes.




and...my best present so far, from ADAA (entries got into the semifinals)